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DONALD TRUMP BANS SUGAR COOKIES

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DONALD TRUMP BANS SUGAR COOKIES

Cody Brown, Staff Writer

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After the controversy at the polls, the last thing you would be expecting to hear from the President would be about sugar cookies. Well in a confusing turn of events, twitter users woke up to a very unusual surprise this weekend.

Donald J. Trump, president of the United States tweeted out last night, “Enjoy them while you still can because sugar cookies will be off the shelves very soon.” At first glance his tweet seemed rather ironic and out of place until you track Donnie J’s recent activity.

Senator Chuck Schumer, one of Donald Trump’s mortal enemies, is a big fan of the baking business. Senator Schumer was seen bringing sugar cookies into one of their recent meetings over the “cash money” meme. Donald Trump was also present at this meeting; however, he was denied access to any of the cookies, and left empty-handed.

“Those were some of the most delicious cookies I have ever had,” cooed Nancy Pelosi as she wiped a few buttery crumbs from her chin. “That Schumer, boy- he is the Betty Crocker of senate.”

Now furious, Donald Trump has come out to personally express his emotions to the public about his war on what he refers to as “Schumer Cookies”. The heated debate has rallied on for a week now on whether Trump can legally get away with banning cookies.

“I don’t understand why he is so angry,” complained Schumer. “I offered him some left over Chips Ahoy! But he just shook his finger in my face. There is no end to his anger issues.”

Hillary Clinton, local politician and sugar cookie enthusiast said in an interview on Tuesday, “For the last time I am NOT a witch! Now get out of my yard!” Further details have not yet been released to the public.

With Republicans pushing for an FBI investigation over a Clinton cookie conspiracy involving witchcraft, Democrats are fighting these claims with House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi calling the claims “tasteless” and “undercooked.”

We caught Pelosi during a lunch break, “The president is going too far with all of this,” she said while rifling through her lunch bag. “I mean, why involve poor Hillary? Hasn’t she been through enough? Excuse me. It’s cookie break time!”

Will Trump be able to get away with his ban on “Schumer cookies”, or will Democrats be caught in an underground conspiracy? Only time will tell for our great nation.

About the Writer
Cody Brown, Staff Writer

Names Cody, I’m a Senior here at Central just trying to make it by. I love Art, Music, Acting and all that other good stuff. I believe the simplest things...

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