Senior Pranks

Goen Gitter, Staff Writer

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Forsyth, GA — At a solemn senior meeting at Forsyth Central High School, the school’s principal, Mr. Mitch Young, addressed the escalation of senior pranks to a violent, destructive level. “You kids have got to stop,” he said while waving his hands furiously, “putting fart cushions under the toilet seats and shifting all of the furniture in a teacher’s room two inches to the left is too harmful to be considered a prank.” A few snickers rose from the members responsible for those violent pranks that resulted in a student receiving irreversible mental damage and suing the school for 2 million dollars after claiming that the “Gradual, subtle shift of the classroom furniture — that was barely noticeable — left a large, permanent scar on his psyche.” (See our article on the case Jamaliouz V. Board of Education for more information)
Waiting for the snickers to die down, Mr. Young continued in a serious voice, “I’m serious! Why can’t you revert to the harmless pranks of your predecessors — such as thumbtacks in teacher’s chairs, putting the school for sale on Craigslist, or rebuilding my car in the lunchroom?” He shook his head sadly, giving a look of disappointment to the entire class, “I didn’t want to resort to this, but if you guys don’t cut down on the dangerous pranks — Yes, that does include a petting zoo on the football field — I’ll cancel the real-life rendition of the Hunger Games with actual weapons at the graduation ceremony and I’ll ensure that the Big-Ole’-Cannon retires permanently!”