Vladimir Putin Accidentally Hacks DNC

Goen Gitter, Staff Writer

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Early this morning, Russian President Vladimir Putin took credit for the hacking of the Democratic National Committee (DNC).  In a press conference, Putin admitted that he and his friend, General Chen Chin-Kuznetsov, hacked the American election during a routine playthrough of Hacker Experience 2.

When the press grew outraged at Putin’s admission, he raised a finger to his lips to silence everyone in the room before continuing. “It was a strange morning,” he said to all of the shocked reporters, “I was listening to some Nicki Minaj while throwing glow-in-the-dark darts at pictures of both presidential candidates, and my old pal Chen busted into my mansion carrying a Macbook Pro, Hacker Experience 2 already pulled up.”

Putin looked off into the distance for a brief moment, a small smile on his face. “We sat at my coffee table trying to beat the next level. Before we knew it, his computer was flooded with highly classified information, neatly organized in a folder titled ‘Democratic Plans for Who We Should Not Turn On Next’ that revealed who the Democratic Party planned to throw under the bus in all of the elections up until 2035.”

Putin closed his press conference with a recommendation for all Russians to try the game out, “Who knows?” he said, “We might end up hacking something more important, like the automatic doors at all of the American dog kennels, or the sprinkler system at the White House.”

After the press conference, the American government went on Google Chrome and searched for Hacker Experience 2 hoping to find the leak in their cyber defense system. After going on the official website, they clicked on the easiest mode, titled “DNC” and beat the entire game in 15 minutes after cutting a few red wires and solving some shape puzzles.

The Democratic National Committee was unwilling to comment.