What Really Happens After Midnight

Goen Gitter, Staff Writer

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Friday evening, the Forsyth County Police raided a high school party, giving concerned parents a crucial view into what really happens after midnight. The lead officer during the raid, Officer Gitter, was horrified by what he saw, “It was worse than we expected,” His hands were shaking as he collected contraband juice boxes for evidence. “They were eating all sorts of candy, Reese’s, Nerds — even Skittles. I always knew Forsyth County had a candy problem, we were just too focused on trying to track down those unimportant heroin dealers to see it.” When asked about what the teenagers were doing at the party his eyes grew wide with horror, “They were listening to the best-selling Christian album of 2001, Declaration by Steven Curtis Chapman, while reclining on couches, joking, and playing Apples to Apples — One was even washing the the dirty dishes by hand. I’ve busted a lot of criminals — taken down a few serial killers too; nothing compared to the horrors that we found within that clean, organized house.”

The high school students were immediately arrested and sent to the local jail for their rabid partying. Forsyth Central High School’s Principal, Mitch Young, shook his head in despair when he heard the news, “I always knew that parties like these were a problem amongst our alumni. You can always tell which kids gather after midnight to eat candy or make some s’mores while listening to clean, acceptable music by the bags under their eyes and their vivacious smiles. I hoped that my weekly warnings would keep them from going down this dark, self-destructive path.”

Mr. Young proceeded to visit the high schoolers in their jail cells the following morning, giving them clean shirts with “Nothing good happens after midnight” on the back. One of the high schoolers was willing to share his views on the previous night, “I knew this was a bad idea — eating candy past 12 is a sin. My mom’s gonna ground me for a month. I should have known that nothing good happens after midnight, no matter how tempting those nerds and Apples to Apples were.”

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