Jamaliouz v. The BOE

Goen Gitter, Staff Writer

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Washington DC–  The Supreme Court, agreed to listen to the pleas of a Forsyth Central High School student that had claimed irreversible damage to his psyche after a nefarious senior prank. In a formal letter to the Supreme Court, Jamaliouz begged them to compensate him with some “sick dolla bills, yo” after the “painful panic that I felt, man — I mean, it was unreal.. And painful.” In his letter, titled “Board of Education? More like BORED of Education,” Jamaliouz moved the Supreme Court with his eloquent word play and truthful tone. (See the full letter here) He is set to appear before them on May 27th, the last day of school for him — and everyone else if he has his way. While nobody is sure about the outcomes of the decision, there is certain apprehension about the situation that may result in a withdrawal of local funds from outreach programs and better technology for kids to compensate Jamaliouz and fund his campaign for “Gold toilets so everyone has their own throne,” and “Illegally imported hot rods to end the year in style.”:

“Board of Education? More like BORED of Education”:

Sup bros? The ceiling of your baller homes, I bet. I’m writing to all of you boys to ensure that I get some sick compensation for the prank that did me wrong not too long ago. (My brotha from anotha motha told me that this was the best way to make some cash, yo, forget about those Norwegian prince scams– is it Norwegian? I cant remember.)

I want some sick dolla bills, yo, enough to buy myself a baller therapist named Michael Jordan who will fix all of the painful panic that I felt, man — I mean, it was unreal.. And painful. You know what else is painful? This education stuff, man. I swear, life isn’t as good without a good golden throne, and im gonna petition to put those into our school so we all feel like kings. That’s right, I’m talking about gold toilets like Trump probably has in the whitehouse, gold toilets so everyone has their own throne, ya feel?

You know how painful it is to walk into a classroom and see everything moved two inches to the left– the horror? I swear, man, this was killer. I dont know about that hippie stuff, that peace and love, but it made me the anti-hippie. I was like an angry hippo — a very hungry one too. You get the idea, right? I freaked, man. It was kinda pathetic, and I may get known as the “kid that freaked over a prank” but atleast i’ll have more money then them, ya feel? Losers love money, I’ll just buy them back. It was probably just a push over the edge, man, this school has got me tied around in a knot, with its decent food in the cafeteria, the nice new building that probably cost enough to get those golden toilets, and the really nice teachers, I have nothing to complain about, man. That sucks. I’m bored of education man, but i’m sure that using the school’s money to get some illegally imported hot rods to end the year in style while doing doughnuts in the parking lot is something you ballers can get behind.”

 

Thanks for all of your consideration, yo

 

Yours truly,

 

Your boy Jamaliouz.

 

Ps. Think of all of the news coverage you boys will get again if you take my case, we can all get golden toilets.
(We purposely included Jamaliouz’ grammatical errors)

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